I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
