I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
sarcasm needs its own font
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
