I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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