I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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