I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
