would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
