why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
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