Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
