dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
