Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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