franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
