i permit you to call me
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
