so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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