I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
