That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
