did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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