i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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