Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
