You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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