I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
