she was so not down for the gang bang
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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