rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
