we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
