ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think your dad took our porno
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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