if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
