I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you guys were way drunker than both of me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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