im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
