Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
