Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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