Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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