Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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