He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
