you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
