I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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