It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
