HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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