Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
