Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
