can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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