just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
soo... how was my night?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
