Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
