im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
