I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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