And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
