You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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