Sacagawea was the original milf.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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