I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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