I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
