My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
