Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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