if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
