Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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