Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
