When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize