"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This is the high leading the old right now
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
