better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
