she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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