she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
