I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
