by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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