you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
