im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
